Ssoooo..... I've been on this personal growth path for several years now. Part of me, that negative "monkey mind" is always saying "oh my gods you're still working on yourself what the fuck is wrong with you that you can't just fix yourself" but thankfully all of the work I've been doing and my very good psychologist has helped my monkey mind to be much quieter than it used to be so the rational mind can be like "but ya look where you are now versus back then!"
At any rate one of the biggest things I've been doing lately is cleaning out belongings. I am well aware of the effects of mess/clutter on anxiety and depression. However the anxiety and depression can also cause pack-rat-itis so it's certainly a struggle. Recently though I've really been conscious of how disorganized I am, how I have a lot of awesome things that have meaning to me but I can never find/use and it greatly bothers me.
Not to mention I am ashamed to have people to my house 'cuz it's a mess and so disorganized. At any rate, since last autumn (autumn 2018) I have been slowly but surely cleaning out my belongings. I always knew I had a lot of stuff, I've been that way since I was a child. But as I've been cleaning out and cleaning out and almost literally not seeing a difference (as stuff was just packed away in boxes and tubs) it really was a reality check for me. Including the tub I'm filling now I believe I've donated 5 full sized rubbermaid tubs not to mention various bags full of stuff, again not including the several bags of trash I've gotten rid of.
After last weekend's clean I have finally been able to see a change, as my bedroom is so much cleaner now. I am by no means done, but now that I can finally see the difference every day in my room, as opposed to having to remind myself of everything I removed from it, really really helps. Plus, one of the biggest things is that I have finally gotten over my need to always just do everything right then. I got myself an adorable little egg timer (in the shape of a radish with a kawaii smiley face LOL) and that's helping me to like ... choose one thing like "clean out this box" and then set the timer and then be done. Otherwise what I'll do is get going on cleaning and then see this that needs to be done and these other things so then I'll get like, 5 things halfway done and I'll get exhausted and sore and then pissed at myself.
You know, I'm a retail manager now. I successfully manage a store that can survive a horrible winter and be the only store in the state (for our company) that stays in the positive. I feel like my home needs to be clean and organized like I keep my store. Why is it so much easier for me to keep my store organized? Maybe 'cuz there's hundreds of people a week going into my store (it's a specialty store) a week and seeing it.... But honestly part of me felt like I didn't deserve it. Like it didn't matter; for my home to be so nice. It's not that I felt like I deserved bad things, just that I didn't deserve good things. I don't know.
So anyway I have a couple more bins to go through before the bulk of this project is done. But considering where I started... I'm actually really happy and excited about this. Each decision I make "donate, throw, keep" makes the next one a little bit easier.
Once I finish my bedroom I will go on to the rest of the house; I really really need to clean off my desk and then clean and organize things like the desk, tv stand and kitchen. This is something I need to do for me, but also for my boyfriend. The vast majority of the clutter and mess is mine to begin with, but then also it affects his chronic depression severely so if I can do this to help both myself and him, damn straight I will!
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